Continued … To be true NPD, the vast majority of the characteristics need to:

a] Begin, at the latest, in early adolescence b] Appear together - not separately or intermittently c] Invade, penetrate, and mould every aspect of the personality and all social and emotional interactions d] Be abundantly discernible to all, accompanied by grandiose behaviour.

The usual big-head doesn’t qualify. Plus - it takes a trained clinical psychologist to have the neutrality to diagnose a narcissist - we are never dispassionate enough to analyse our own partner and this sort of thing is dangerous: "I'm not sure if my husband is a Narcissist, as he was never diagnosed but from what I'm reading here I think he is." That’s exactly what you must not think. Remember, almost all the traits need to be constantly present to qualify. So here goes, with numbers 3 through 34:

3] Feels immune and "above the law" and entitled to have unreasonable expectations of special and favourable priority treatment and feels his/her time is precious

4] Uses others to achieve his/her own ends, indulging in astonishing, cleverly concealed lies, exaggerated emotions and high drama

5] Plays emotional games with you, often doing or saying inconsequential things and then denying having done or said them, causing his/her victim to question his/her sanity, memory, intelligence, etc

6] Competes, rather than interacts, pushes and pushes for what he/she wants until you succumb, always has a better recipe, more expensive car, better clothes

7] No sense of humour ... manipulates and controls ... … dominates conversations … always wants more from you … never satisfied ... is cheap in social situations … has no enemies … has no interest in children

8] Is devoid of empathy, unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others, incapable of giving and receiving true love

9] Is envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy, raging when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted, believes people are against him/her

10] Is often good looking and seems too good to be true. On first meeting, engages you directly with the eyes, making you feel unique, initially flattering you, projecting an air of self importance, then moving away from you

11] Can psychologically penetrate you, getting you to share personal things and making you feel like you've found a soul mate

12] Can imitate emotions and their attendant behaviours, without actually feeling any. He/she keeps records of every action and reaction, what works and what doesn’t. Can put on a "tragic voice" to go with a tragic situation and then a low "enigmatic voice" to seduce you

13] Is obsessed with success, fame, power, brilliance, physical beauty, sexual performance or ideal, everlasting love and is concerned with money, prestige and material things

14] Is firmly convinced that he or she is unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special, high-status people

15] Loves looking in the mirror for long periods of time, admiring his/her body, spends long periods at the gym, wears clothes to show his/her physique off to others. If he/she is wearing beautiful clothes, and there is clearly not much money in the family, that is a sign

16] Uses immoral excuses to justify immoral behaviour, disregards society, its conventions, social cues and social treaties, badmouths other people when they are not present

17] Happy to receive lavish gifts as long as he/she does not have to give any back to you, forgets birthdays, but expects his/hers to be remembered

18] Says that you are "too sensitive" or that "strong people don’t worry about those things" when you raise concerns

19] Tries to "help you improve yourself" with no clue how it makes you feel and wants you to "see the error of your thinking"

20] Often glances over at you to see if you’ve noticed the good thing he/she just did

21] Is never at fault, always in the right, asking as a joke, ‘Am I right or am I right?’ but, on unfamiliar ground, immediately changes the topic; says strange things suddenly and from nowhere

22] When called "princess" thinks it’s a compliment and drops you once the compliments and the attention stop

23] Is subject to mood swings and extreme emotions ... one night crying and sobbing and the next day without a worry in the world

24] If not the boss, prefers to work in teams, issuing orders, while everyone else does the work; terrified of being alone

25] Only exists in the present, can’t save for a rainy day, has no concept of the future, is perennially ill-prepared, has gaps in his/her memory and doesn't know what he/she did yesterday

26] Suddenly and inexplicably ends relationships or conversations and his/her remorse is always linked to fears of losing his/her supply

27] Devalues and mistreats his/her source of dependence, especially financial and emotional dependence

28] Perceives intimacy and sex as a threat, associating them with past unresolved conflicts and looks down with contempt upon those who are unable to remain morally pure

29] Knows you are trying to stabilize the relationship but likes to keep it unbalanced and in conflict

30] Is simply indifferent, callous and careless with others; whereas psychopaths, on the other hand, sadistically and vindictively cause trouble for others

31] He/she is a misogynist/manhater, teaming up with the other sex as a source of Narcissistic Supply, often asexual, choosing submissive partners

32] His/her eyes can be friendly, sparkling and captivating, then cold, remote and lifeless, then piercing – they have no soul

33] Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago. They are the true zombies of the world

34] He/she ages without mercy and without grace, reverting to old patterns of behaviour - an eternal, malformed child in a decaying body, increasingly unwanted by others, comforts him/herself with trophies from the past. A rare minority accept their fate with fatalism or good humour but it’s too late

Reader comment: "Being a narcissist, I can safely say that I never ever set out to hurt him - that’s what a psychopath does. When he fell in love with me, I loved him back with all my heart and we planned our future together - but what happened? I started to get thoughts like 'surely there’s someone else better than him' or 'I’m too good for him'. And I said things that hurt him so much. I blame my father for the way I am." [Lidija Rangelovska]